I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
