the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
