All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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