i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
