I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
