Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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