i don't like sucking hair
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
