Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
