im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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