Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
