from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
