You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it's like iHOP with fire
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
