On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
