The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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