i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
