If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
