one might say we're banned from that church
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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