She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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