She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
