my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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