im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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