Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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