forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
