Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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