lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
