he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
