This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
