are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
