Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
