Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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