I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need a beard to bite.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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