its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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