OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
