Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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