So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
