But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
