i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
