I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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