Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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