i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She swung at the pinata with crutches
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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