I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
