How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize