I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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