I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
