yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
