Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
