There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
