You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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