He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
