If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
