I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
