we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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