...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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