She announced her abortion via fbk
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
