This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
