They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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