she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
