tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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