some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
