the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
