I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
