dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
