dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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