It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My ass is underappreciated
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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