He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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