Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
