i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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