i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
