i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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