She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
