Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
