I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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