Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
