I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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