I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
