Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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