I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
