i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
