There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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