Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
