Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
