Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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